Conversation with dead family member Don Salvador.
Me: I never understood. What are you in my family? Are you my uncle or something?
Don: I am your aunts stepather. Or was.
Me: Oh ok. Well I miss you. Even though the holidays were filled with animosity, the best Christmas present I ever got was when you said I was a good kid.
Don: Don’t mention it. And I mean’t it, don’t you forget it.
Me: I’ll try. You know, you’re really well spoken without that stuttering of yours.
Don: One of the few benefits of being dead. Everything that used to hold me down doesn’t anymore.
Me: It must be a relief being released from the burden of your wheelchair. Say, can you run in the afterlife?
Don: You never run. You just stay. You just are.
Me: That’s interesting.
Don: Somewhat. You never do anything but meddle into peoples lives
Me: Doesn’t that mean you’re in limbo?
Don: No, it just means there’s certain issues with my loved ones that keep me from “going into the light”.
Me: Oh. Well good luck with that. By the way, I think ______ has a crush on me and it creeps me out.
Don: Relax. She has a crush on everybody.
Me: Oh great. Not only am I creeped out, but now I feel totally un-special.
Don: You’re welcome.
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